Silent World

I had never known
a world devoid of sounds
Until..............
I learnt I could hear no more.

Simple yet powerful sounds of life
Words,jokes,just a chuckle
To hear them again...
To me,now seems nothing short of a miracle.

The chime of the clock,the whirr of the fan,
Its sounds beyond my realm.
To hear them again..
To me,now seems like a far-off dream.

I look at the waves,splashing
but hear the stark silence.
I feel the rain,I touch it
But cannot hear its flow and rhythm.

So much to hear,so much to listen
all around in my world
Innane chatter,whispered secrets
so much yet untold.

I had never known
the beauty of the simple sounds of life.
Until......................
I learnt I could hear no more

How I wish .....

Sketch-my first attempt!

***Sketch***

As I feel about my Life

I am crossing a river that is difficult and dangerous yet comforting and safe across the shore.
I step out gingerly on this journey, as I stand by the river bank…tentative and tremulous steps as I enter within its raging torrents.
The Universe has provided me with a Guide who helped me embark on this journey. Now the Journey is mine to traverse, explore and grow from-within!
I am a mixture of anticipation, expectation, trepidation as well as a deep realization that my journey is going to be one of awareness, of exploring my Inner self and of becoming one with the Divine within me...
I need to conquer the river of my life bravely.
I will.

End of Life

Black
Unseeing
Endless pools ..
Her eyes
Living yet lifeless
Eloquent yet silent
Ebbing away
Uneven breath
ragged,trying to reach out..
Wasting away slowly yet
visibly......
The body remains
as life flows out..
In that moment,
I saw fear
or was it death
in her eyes.


I visited a dying person today in her last stages of cancer.She was not some one close or dear but what i saw in her eyes......is what i have described here or tried to atleast.
When I looked into her eyes I closed my eyes....not with fear but something undescribable.
Feb 20th'05

Rebirth!!

I’ve reached so far,
there’s no going back now

No retracing of steps
to the life that was

My life, of yesterday and of the now
My life in that in between pause

I shattered my blocks
I severed past chords

I released all patterns
that was the root of discord

I let go of my past
and all its pain

Now as I reawaken
a sense of oneness remains.

The stillness within
The quiet understanding

As life falls into place
with no edges and irony

No denials
No resistance

Just a calm acceptance
that my new life is beginning

Life goes on
I speak I listen

It is as if I am guided
By the Divine within

(written January 11th'2005)

Soul Connections

A link,
A bond
Instant connection
Intensely profound
Intuit, we sense,
Each other’s thoughts
He knows, I know
What it’s all about
A tiny source of strength
A flash of power and love
Energies fill my life
Carries me through the day.
We grow and move
Our separate ways
Across distances and time
For each other always.

Sharing

Yesterday we visited Diti's ortho paed surgeon at Mahim,an appointment 6 weeks post her Botox procedure.Maybe I went in with too many expectations and hopes,hoping he would say something that would make me immensely happy and joyous about her progress.The doctor was'nt pessimistic or negative.But what worried me was my attitude!Why can't I accept Diti for what she is?Why can't I accept the fact that she is physically challenged and needs my help and encouragement,rather than having me mope and feel let down by the doc's non commital replies!I keep asking myself this..okay I know I am her mother and I have an older normal child already,so i know the difference in caring for both kids.Ananya's childhood was bliss whereas Diti's is a challenge.It' s been 3 years now,3 years where I've seen,experienced,learnt and grown so much that I cannot remember now a life without Diti.In 3 years she has bloomed and blossomed with love and care.I never expected her to turn out to be sucha happy vibrant child,full of joy and mischief. I feel incredibly blessed.
But this question gnaws at me all the time,intermittently..
Why cant I just let things be,take it as it comes and use this time to strengthen myself mentally and emotionally rather than keep waiting with bated breath for a miracle to happen..
or is it that I beleive in miracles .......?

All alone

Am all alone

Within myself
In a crowd
In the inner reaches
of my soul.
In moments
of conflict.
In moments of peace
A serene stillness of
deathly quiet exists.
That I cannot touch
but feel and be touched by it.
It feels like bliss

My constant refrain :)

Ever known how elusive love can be?How difficult to describe,define and put in words..sometimes intense,sometimes sheer indifference,sometimes shutting oneself out totally and other times just bliss…such a high when it starts off,the anticipation,the waiting,the crazy smiles one wears all the time,thoughts out of control..
Somewhere along the way,it gathers more energies through conversations-silent or otherwise,thoughts,gestures,messages,words..words..words..words… …
Constant reassurances I need..to affirm that this love exists..just when I feel I am over that phase,it rears its head yet again making me wonder why why why does this need never ever go away?
Why do we have this fear of being hurt if we are open about our feelings?Why dont we ask for what we want,express what we feel easily and comfortably.Why mull over the consequences even before acting?
Why do I want an explanation for everything i feel?Is it that i am introspective and love exploring my thoughts ......
Along the way I have learnt that when i let things be and just flow,flow with what Life has to offer,the Universe does provide and things do fall into place.That is like surrendering to a higher force and ceasing to analyse and think.

My Child-Woman

My child woman
You are growing up too fast
too soon, too quick
slipping beyond my grasp

I try my best to understand you..
Your rebellious stance,
I try to unravel your hidden secrets
And you look askance.

Your quicksilver moods
Sulky expressions
Seems to defy all
conceivable explanations.

How can my own child behave so?
Are these growing pangs
Or is there more?

I grit my teeth
Clench my fists
Rein in my exasperation
And give you a hug and a kiss.

Suddenly you transform,
Turn around and give me a hug
You devil, you angel,
My precious child-woman.

I say

I need a cue
Because I haven’t a clue
Whether you feel
The same as I do.

The words I’ve spoken
Are straight from the heart
Still figuring out
What is keeping us apart?

Do we need more time?
Do we need more space?
I don’t have the answers
I don’t know what to say.

So, I need a cue...
Do you feel
the way I do?
I need to hear from you..

To my children

I am your mother,
not your foe
I am a guide,
to help you grow.

I grow with you
as you do each day
learning life's lessons
along the way.

Women of strength
I want you to be
A part of you,
a part of me..

Stray thoughts

Today, we compete for everything: the space around us, to be first to own a newproduct, to get our kids signed up for programs, to get our viewpoints across,to be faster, smarter, richer, sexier. Our days are filled with stressfulcompetitions. And most are absolutely unnecessary. Because they're driven byinsecurity, fear of being left behind, an ingrained need to always have more orbetter than the next guy. It is so important to get above all this....how important is it to be compete??I feel if you really want to do so,then vie to be someone who stays calm and in control, who isn't easily sucked in by material things, who avoids being caught up in the daily grab-bag that robs one of peace of mind. Or else one gets so caught up in this endless quest for more and more that you actually make yourself crazy..!!

Happiness

In the steady roar of the sea
In the soft rasp of the sand
In the innocent smile of a child
In simply holding hands.

In the glistening of a dewdrop
In the whispering wind in the grass
In the whoops of joy
In a passion filled dance.

In a distant flying kite
In the crimson red sky
In a falling leaf
In all of life.

It’s not a mood
It’s not just a thought
It’s the magic of living
In the here and now.

Emotional Freedom

Minding one's Emotions

We know that if we eat the right food, in the right quantities, at the right time, our digestive system remains healthy. Similarly, if we breathe right, our respiratory system will function effeciently. If our hearts are in good shape and the arteries ensure that the blood reaches where it must, our circulatory system is in order. Pathology tests can verify the efficacy of our bodily functions.

But how does one keep in shape an invisible system?
Our energy system helps us process prana, chi, ki or the life force.
Like food, air or blood, it flows through our bodies, is processed and transformed before leaving us. The manner in which it does this tells us how energetic how we are.

We need to go no further than our body to gauge our emotions. If we are feeling distressed, upset, guilty, angry, irritated or resentful, we can safely assume that energy is leaving our body in fear.if, on the other hand, we are in a joyful, contented, vibrant mood, we are processing our energy lovingly.

All emotions flow from two basic emotions. Love and Fear.One group of emotions makes us feel restless and uneasy; the other brings about balance and harmony. We label the two, positive and negative. It also encourages us to accept the happy ones and reject the others. We grow up with the understanding that while it is correct to feel happy, joyful and grateful, it is in bad form to feel guilty, irritated, stressed or sad. These are emotions, which make us weak and we could be pushed into the habit of being a loser, unable to cope. Not only do we get into the habit of being unable to acknowledge what we are feeling but worse, gradually supress those feelings as they arise.

See how naturally this happens.
A young child, jealous of his newborn sibling is made to feel bad about his emotion; when he suffers hurt, he is distracted so he does not feel it fully; he is taught that it is brave not to cry. Seeds of emotional processing begin to take root in young, fertile minds. By the time we are adults, we have become outwardly poised, calm individuals, in control of our surroundings and expert at keeping our emotions in check.

Where do we hide our feelings?
We repress them within. -----In various parts of our body.
Anger hides in our liver ruining our digestion and creating acidity; responsibility sits heavy on our shoulders; inability to let go of the past and resentment causes constipation; financial insecurity might cause us discomfort in the back. Although these might seem like generalizations, they are the emotional components of our physical aches and pains. Understanding them can help us heal totally from the most dreaded disease. Will we take responsibility for our emotional health?

Let us learn to manage our emotions. All negative thoughts are caused by a disruption in the body’s energy system. By learning a simple routine of tapping certain parts of our face and hands, the end points of energy meridians, these disruptions can be fixed-often within minutes. With awareness, we can lift ourselves out of irritation, restlessness, anxiety, fear and more. We can equally let go of long-term hurts and bitterness. We can manage stress, which needlessly saps our energy. We can also heal physical aches and pains with the same tool.
Once we begin emotional management, we will begin to feel empowered.
We will live in the present moment free of past burdens and future worries.
We will learn the meaning of emotional freedom.

Taken from the Speaking Tree(Times of India)
This article really made sense to me,so true for all of us and yet we remain unaware of it.....

Dreams

My very own
my private space

vivid
recollections

yet fleeting glimpses

faint wisps of
memories

sharp and awakening

gentle and numbing

precious and revealing

the inner me

inaccesible

elusive

my dreams

my very own

Mental space

My mental space,
you occupy,
uncontrolled,
usurping it so shamelessly,
wildly
passionately.
No reasoning
No logic
Just the sheerness of emotion.
I try so hard
to retrieve my space back
all for myself
It seems just within my reach, my grasp
Yet slips away……

No saturation point
No end in sight
Relentless unceasing
assault of my mind.

Ponderings

Why do I feel so inadequate?
Why do I feel so incomplete?
Why so overwhelmed
This overpowering sense of defeat

Why the constant questioning
Am I right?
Am I wrong?
How long am I going to wait?
For my life to turn around

In the right direction
To its welcome destination
Where I can feel protected
By a warmth-God-given

Do I need this in my life?
Why this desperation
This incessant need for approval
And need for expression

Sounds of Silence

Sound of silence

Madhu’s world was different. A world as unique as any others but still different...her life seemed normal and routine enough not to warrant much attention.Strikingly attractive and confident she traversed through life seeming happy and relaxed.
But she lived in a world without sounds. It seemed so unreal to an outsider that she-Madhu lived in a world of silence. She spoke but could not hear her own..
Imagine a world without the twittering of birds, the ringing of the alarm, the tinkling of the bell, noisy sounds of the children-their pitter patter and constant refrains.
Imagine trying to watch a movie and understand it through sheer lip read, tough yet not impossible...Madhu managed it with deftness and ease.
Imagine being with strangers she did not know and yet unable to communicate her vulnerability.
Imagine the dependence on someone else to guide her through her life..the endless chores and tasks…would she know when the cooker was done or the water tank filled to its brim..She could hear neither the whistle nor the flowing tap.
Imagine not being able to understand a joke, yet laughing joyously just to be part of and share the joy of her friends and family.
Imagine learning a whole new language yet not being able to teach the rest of her world the same, that of signs…
Imagine if u only knew her...And if you probed….further,you would discover that she had this endless quiet that raged within her, submerged in the layers between….a deathly stillness like a vast sea of profoundest peace.The silence seemed immovable and unstopping and infused her with timeless grace.....and probably that way why she was able to go about her life in a silent, unhurried pace.

Children- I need

I need

I need to see
Her smile
Her face
I need to see her
Twinkling eyes

I need to see
To watch her grow
From a tiny bud
To a pretty flower
As time flows

I need to hear
Her laugh
Her cries
I need to hear
Her childish voice

I need to feel
Her warm embrace
I need to feel her breath,
Her touch
Upon my face

I need to touch
Her soft curls,
Her determined chin,
I need to touch
Her strength within