Thursday, October 25, 2007

Shifting -Bombay to Pune

September12th 2007, Bombay

The day I am shifting I see the scaffolding come off. One bamboo piece after the other until the entire view of the sea lies bare –a vast shimmering expanse of blue. Today she is gentle as her waves lap softly, silently, blue grey with specks of white. I simply stand and gaze at her. I can do it forever I feel. But at this moment time suddenly seems short. Over the past months, our apartment complex was undergoing a major renovation and overhaul. The scaffoldings were up and I was cut off from the beautiful view of the sea from our window. Now it all seems so poignant. The sea is back for me to glimpse but I am not going to be here. She has become so much a part of my daily life. As I go about my day I glimpse her shimmer briefly and many a time I have put everything on hold and just watched her. She, as silent as me. At times reflecting exactly what I feel.

To the left of my home, I see a huge ‘pandal’ being erected just as it is done each year for Lord Ganapati’s arrival. Banners flutter, the fairy lights are being fixed, children play around amidst the general hustle –bustle. A sense of nostalgia overcomes me as I remember the previous “Ganapati Pujas”, their festive fervour and happiness that lingers on in the air for a long time.

Everything seems to be touched with a twinge of nostalgia yet newness.

Living in a city for 13 years that I call home has been an experience I will always cherish. Intense familiarity be it in seeing the sunrise with its freshness and newness each morning or the sunset in its fascinating hues and shades. I have got accustomed to my life here, my friends, the reassuring routine of daily living, the smell of the city with its salty air sometimes awash with its ‘fishy’ fragrance. And yes, its people, the buzz that is all pervasive and constantly being on the move. And now when its time to move home, am short of words.A city can grow on you easily just like a home can. In this case it has grown on me and helped me grow too.

October 22, 2007, Pune

The period of transition from one city to the other, from our old home to a new home has been a whirlwind. Awakening to a new view, spending my days differently, new routines to be established and new ways of doing things. Yet it feels unreal. The home we have chosen to rent out is one of those old style bungalows with sloping roofs. A beautiful garden resplendent with fruit trees and flowering shrubs encloses it. I take off time to sit on the stone bench in the garden and see the different hues and shades that surround me. The sounds of the garden, watching the butterflies, touching the leaves or simply going barefoot on the green grass bring out the child in me. And am struck as to how nature can be so powerful yet soothing, be it in the sea or in a bright and sunny garden. I enjoy her warm and gentle energy through the day.
There are many moments when I yearn for my comfort zone and crave for the energy that is passionate and driven; the one I have been used to for so long that it has become a habit. Perhaps this gentle serene energy will become part of my comfort zone soon...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I have been tagged

I am surprised,me of all people tagged!!But tagged by a good friend neverthless who I did not have the heart to curse under my breath -Pragya!!

I have to list six of the weirdest things about me.

* My ears are shaped funnily like a caulifower and my nickname at college was yes you guessed it right-"cauilflower ears"

* I love meeting people but hate speaking in public..something inside just clams up(is that weird?)

* There may be chaos all around me but you will find me in the kitchen cooking while listening to music as if nothing is happening.

*I can make up songs and rhymes in a jiffy.It works!

* I say No but I actually deep down mean an "Yes"

* I am a pro at lipreading so no one can keep secrets from me.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

As I learn and grow

You have defied all convention. Defied logic and defied life. Something that I have never been able to accomplish in all my years.
You have fought death, a journey that was so challenging that I remember each day and each moment of it still. And it’s been over 5 years now.

A journey that saw my growth as an individual, as a mother and as a woman. And I learnt to take on the role of a special mother.
And a journey that saw you play the role of my teacher without your knowledge. Such a precious learning it has been my wise one. And such a precious teacher you have been. You have taught me to gain a sense of self and to go beyond prejudices. And that was just the beginning. My learning continues.

You are now at 5 years, taking your unsupported steps all over our home, sometimes trotting, sometimes tripping, picking yourself up easily and chuckling at your own antics. And that this has happened even after your orthopaedic surgeon had told us that you would never be able to walk without support ever.

Sweet joy it is to see you relish every bit of your freedom. Sweeter joy it is for me to have had the privilege to witness your growth through so many stages…each step a challenge, each achievement similar to the scaling of a mountain peak, each experience a miracle.

As parents we learnt to surrender. Every decision we have had to take for you has involved ‘surrendering’. Such an easy word it seems,’ surrender’ but practicing it took immense awareness, faith and patience.

And your education. Just today we were told by your school that they did not wish to take the responsibility of helping you realize your full potential. And that it was a major risk. Lots of reasons and plenty of rationalizing. We have been asked to look for an alternative school for you. Very often we tend to see things as we see them, so much so that the reality is totally distorted. I witnessed it at your school today.

It broke my heart and I felt exactly like what I had felt on November 1st 2001 when your doctor told me you would not survive your congenital heart defect. I never thought I would feel this helpless again. The anger isn’t there, the disappointment is. And the knowledge that I have handled this kind of helplessness before.

I also understood what a positive attitude can do amidst all the chaos that one undergoes in such situations. Right there and then as the school expressed their decision to us about their inability to retain you; I knew then that as your mother, I had a bigger role to play for you and in your growth. To be able to help you in your journey of realizing your potential to the fullest however long it might take. To help you to learn how to think, how to learn, when not to think and when not to learn, to be in harmony and develop a tremendous sense of self and independence. I hope to be able to show you the way.

A new journey begins for me through this setback. Perhaps it was time for me to move out of my comfort zone.Perhaps I saw it coming.

(For Anandita)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Random musings after ages

It has been three months since I came by here,to my own blog.Not been writing.not been reading for so long that I am beginning to feel disconnected.
The year started off great ..I completed a powerful workshop
I cannot write much about it only because its difficult to express and share what it was all about.It was powerful and transformatory in many ways....