As I learn and grow

You have defied all convention. Defied logic and defied life. Something that I have never been able to accomplish in all my years.
You have fought death, a journey that was so challenging that I remember each day and each moment of it still. And it’s been over 5 years now.

A journey that saw my growth as an individual, as a mother and as a woman. And I learnt to take on the role of a special mother.
And a journey that saw you play the role of my teacher without your knowledge. Such a precious learning it has been my wise one. And such a precious teacher you have been. You have taught me to gain a sense of self and to go beyond prejudices. And that was just the beginning. My learning continues.

You are now at 5 years, taking your unsupported steps all over our home, sometimes trotting, sometimes tripping, picking yourself up easily and chuckling at your own antics. And that this has happened even after your orthopaedic surgeon had told us that you would never be able to walk without support ever.

Sweet joy it is to see you relish every bit of your freedom. Sweeter joy it is for me to have had the privilege to witness your growth through so many stages…each step a challenge, each achievement similar to the scaling of a mountain peak, each experience a miracle.

As parents we learnt to surrender. Every decision we have had to take for you has involved ‘surrendering’. Such an easy word it seems,’ surrender’ but practicing it took immense awareness, faith and patience.

And your education. Just today we were told by your school that they did not wish to take the responsibility of helping you realize your full potential. And that it was a major risk. Lots of reasons and plenty of rationalizing. We have been asked to look for an alternative school for you. Very often we tend to see things as we see them, so much so that the reality is totally distorted. I witnessed it at your school today.

It broke my heart and I felt exactly like what I had felt on November 1st 2001 when your doctor told me you would not survive your congenital heart defect. I never thought I would feel this helpless again. The anger isn’t there, the disappointment is. And the knowledge that I have handled this kind of helplessness before.

I also understood what a positive attitude can do amidst all the chaos that one undergoes in such situations. Right there and then as the school expressed their decision to us about their inability to retain you; I knew then that as your mother, I had a bigger role to play for you and in your growth. To be able to help you in your journey of realizing your potential to the fullest however long it might take. To help you to learn how to think, how to learn, when not to think and when not to learn, to be in harmony and develop a tremendous sense of self and independence. I hope to be able to show you the way.

A new journey begins for me through this setback. Perhaps it was time for me to move out of my comfort zone.Perhaps I saw it coming.

(For Anandita)