Saturday, April 23, 2005


To heal I need you
to feel you
to touch you
in your rawness
as you tear me apart
till the tears flow....

Your beauty lies in
that you remain hidden
behind all the layers
so that no one else can
have a glimpse of you but me...

But only when
I can venture in there
into that empty space you occupy
where I can savor your feel
your fullness
and absorb you
and also release you bit by bit
day after day....

You are'nt my friend
nor are you my enemy
just my teacher
teaching me lessons
through challenges
that i have ignored so far...

I go to bed each night
feeling I have conquered you
just that bit
that little bit
and just when I get
a glimpse of the light ahead..

I also see the shadows..

Friday, April 22, 2005

Growing up!

My daughter teaches me new lessons every day, presents me with new challenges and poses several questions for me to answer. Questions that seem inane but have tremendous importance for her. At times I feel like discarding it aside and handling it later but the value lies in that particular moment when the question is asked. So much depends on me, the parent then.

She is right now 9 with one step into her 10th year...a decade old as she says. She doesn’t treat me as ancient yet and is still going through the stages of emulating her mother while carving out her identity in her own way. She whizzes between periods of sheer rebellion and times of great sharing and love with me….and I whiz along with her too. Not in rebelling but in steeling myself to listen calmly and peacefully while she raves about why she shouldn’t grow her hair longer than it is….and the list is endless. I let her be.
Just another stage of growing up. Beautiful I find it and revealing too. As my child has grown from year to year I have found myself growing too with her, her needs have changed as she has grown and mine have too. Maybe that is why parenting is an important part of self-growth and evolving of one’s character.

She was away with her school for a 2 day overnight educational trip. She enjoyed the break and the new environment while I enjoyed her absence in a different way. When I reached her school to pick her up, I saw her at a distance happy and smiling coming over to greet me. I hugged and kissed her spontaneously ….and ….she was actually shy “Mamma, everyone is looking” and I was smiling away from ear to ear. She has grown up all right!!

I hope she blossoms into a beautiful woman someday, not just in appearance but also in spirit.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


The Universe conspires in so many ways.....
I resist ...
despite knowing that I have to surrender

Thursday, April 07, 2005


Have you ever experienced?
A magical night in its starkness,
As it silently encloses you
In its opaque darkness.

Have you ever borne?
Intense grief
Where words prove inadequate,
And life seems bleak.

Have you ever undergone?
Deep and silent pain
Where all seems lost
And there is nothing to gain.

As the day creeps into dusk
Softly and stealthily
As the stars tip-toe
Into the dark, black sky.

As the sky is filled with
hues of a mysterious kind
You will understand what’s
black and why!

Black! Is it just a color of grief
A color of pain
A color of life

Is it plain dismal?
A portender of sorrows
Sometimes sinister, sometimes creepy,
Imbued with shadows

Black! So deep, so dark
Is it just an opposite to white?
A memory of a cold winter night
Contrary to all things bright

Is it a symbolic expression of
Grief and sadness,
That is….
Intertwined in our lives
With joy and gladness

But isn’t she beautiful,
Devilishly so,
Strikingly graceful
Impenetrable, immutable

All encompassing, it moves in and
Unfathomable, mysterious
Undeniably profound

One of my first poems and now when i look back,i wonder was this a forced expression,the need to rhyme.Did i let the words flow or did i contrive to make them so??

Friday, April 01, 2005

Then and Now

I have always been lucky but never realized it.
I never noticed the abundance in my life until I experienced a lack.
I never tuned into the signals I was receiving,pretending they did not exist,until I learnt my lessons the hard way.

every knock,every jolt makes me aware of
how I have grown
how I am evolving
how I am not the same person I used to be

I ask for more knocks
not to suffer
but to learn
to be able to go beyond my narrow ego barriers
and to be able to tap into my deepest resources which surface
with every defeat
with every lesson

I learn every day
The lessons are new
My days are new