Have you ever experienced?
A magical night in its starkness,
As it silently encloses you
In its opaque darkness.
Have you ever borne?
Intense grief
Where words prove inadequate,
And life seems bleak.
Have you ever undergone?
Deep and silent pain
Where all seems lost
And there is nothing to gain.
As the day creeps into dusk
Softly and stealthily
As the stars tip-toe
Into the dark, black sky.
As the sky is filled with
hues of a mysterious kind
You will understand what’s
black and why!
Black! Is it just a color of grief
A color of pain
A color of life
unexplained?
Is it plain dismal?
A portender of sorrows
Sometimes sinister, sometimes creepy,
Imbued with shadows
Black! So deep, so dark
Is it just an opposite to white?
A memory of a cold winter night
Contrary to all things bright
or
Is it a symbolic expression of
Grief and sadness,
That is….
Intertwined in our lives
With joy and gladness
But isn’t she beautiful,
Devilishly so,
Strikingly graceful
Impenetrable, immutable
All encompassing, it moves in and
surrounds,
Unfathomable, mysterious
Undeniably profound
One of my first poems and now when i look back,i wonder was this a forced expression,the need to rhyme.Did i let the words flow or did i contrive to make them so??
8 comments:
I like the way you chose a color to base many serious questions on. I think you should place the question marks in the first three stanzas at the end...in order to finish the questions. Also, I really liked the personification of black towards the end. If you were ever to revise this, I would like to see more of "her" qualities throughout the poem.
Please do not take any offense to my comments. I am alway weary of making corrections/suggestions to any poem...I guess it is just the teacher in me.
Hi Jyotsna. Oh, oh? I hope I didn't offend any of the writers out there with my last post. Personally, I like rhyme when it feels right, not when it's forced. Rhyming well is an art, and I wouldn’t have you do it any other way, especially with,
"Black! Is it just a color of grief
A color of pain
A color of life
unexplained?"
Recently, I'm just asking myself if I post something that I love, and it gets little to no comments, vs. something that gets several positive comments, is one post better than the other? An audience helps me to grow as an artist, but I don't want to lose my original intentions with writing. It really is one of the best outlets of self-healing for me. I have found that I tend to appreciate posts that look beneath the surface and question our lives. I'm sure I have people who like my posts, and people who despise them in equal parts (maybe even more who despise them). Bottom line, I love doing it, comments or not...
Poeticmermaid--Not at all,no offence taken,i read your blog piece and tried to post a comment but couldnt due to some error,but the post set me thinking.Am glad you commented on this as while writing it months ago,i knew within myself that i was struggling for a rhyme rather than let my thoughts flow easily and naturally.:) and I agree with you on appreciating those posts that question/probe/intrigue and i enjoy reading simple random thoughts as well!
Stan,no offense taken at all,In fact i appreciate feedback because it gives me an idea of how others perceive the same ..
i'm neither a poet nor lay claim to understanding its finer point. However I do enjoy poetry for its emotions and its imagery and on those two points, jyo, you scored high with me. :)
Have you ever borne?
Intense grief
Where words prove inadequate,
And life seems bleak.
and here i am with a resounding "yes."
i do that when i read poems: react as if in a discourse. for me, poetry is -- over and beyond being a hobby or obsession -- a language. between you and your soul, between you and the one you love, between you and the one responsible for what you feel when you are, suddenly, compelled to write.
it is personal. it is yours, even as you write with the requisite degree of detachment. and, as you decide to share it with others, they give back what they see in it -- and that is theirs.
hold true to the feeling when, right after posting something... you, the writer, become the first reader. what follows then, is a matter of community.
well written!
It does not seem like a forced expression at all, in fact, before I read the last line, I thought that the rhyme was pretty good!
:-)
Hey! Just dropped by from nowhere.
But that is really a nice piece. Traces of innocence nicely jelled with a clear conscience and some bit of introspection. Thats all what it takes to leave an impression.
And when you say ur first poem: it has a lot of your soul in it.
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