Silent World

I had never known
a world devoid of sounds
Until..............
I learnt I could hear no more.

Simple yet powerful sounds of life
Words,jokes,just a chuckle
To hear them again...
To me,now seems nothing short of a miracle.

The chime of the clock,the whirr of the fan,
Its sounds beyond my realm.
To hear them again..
To me,now seems like a far-off dream.

I look at the waves,splashing
but hear the stark silence.
I feel the rain,I touch it
But cannot hear its flow and rhythm.

So much to hear,so much to listen
all around in my world
Innane chatter,whispered secrets
so much yet untold.

I had never known
the beauty of the simple sounds of life.
Until......................
I learnt I could hear no more

How I wish .....

Sketch-my first attempt!

***Sketch***

As I feel about my Life

I am crossing a river that is difficult and dangerous yet comforting and safe across the shore.
I step out gingerly on this journey, as I stand by the river bank…tentative and tremulous steps as I enter within its raging torrents.
The Universe has provided me with a Guide who helped me embark on this journey. Now the Journey is mine to traverse, explore and grow from-within!
I am a mixture of anticipation, expectation, trepidation as well as a deep realization that my journey is going to be one of awareness, of exploring my Inner self and of becoming one with the Divine within me...
I need to conquer the river of my life bravely.
I will.

End of Life

Black
Unseeing
Endless pools ..
Her eyes
Living yet lifeless
Eloquent yet silent
Ebbing away
Uneven breath
ragged,trying to reach out..
Wasting away slowly yet
visibly......
The body remains
as life flows out..
In that moment,
I saw fear
or was it death
in her eyes.


I visited a dying person today in her last stages of cancer.She was not some one close or dear but what i saw in her eyes......is what i have described here or tried to atleast.
When I looked into her eyes I closed my eyes....not with fear but something undescribable.
Feb 20th'05

Rebirth!!

I’ve reached so far,
there’s no going back now

No retracing of steps
to the life that was

My life, of yesterday and of the now
My life in that in between pause

I shattered my blocks
I severed past chords

I released all patterns
that was the root of discord

I let go of my past
and all its pain

Now as I reawaken
a sense of oneness remains.

The stillness within
The quiet understanding

As life falls into place
with no edges and irony

No denials
No resistance

Just a calm acceptance
that my new life is beginning

Life goes on
I speak I listen

It is as if I am guided
By the Divine within

(written January 11th'2005)

Soul Connections

A link,
A bond
Instant connection
Intensely profound
Intuit, we sense,
Each other’s thoughts
He knows, I know
What it’s all about
A tiny source of strength
A flash of power and love
Energies fill my life
Carries me through the day.
We grow and move
Our separate ways
Across distances and time
For each other always.

Sharing

Yesterday we visited Diti's ortho paed surgeon at Mahim,an appointment 6 weeks post her Botox procedure.Maybe I went in with too many expectations and hopes,hoping he would say something that would make me immensely happy and joyous about her progress.The doctor was'nt pessimistic or negative.But what worried me was my attitude!Why can't I accept Diti for what she is?Why can't I accept the fact that she is physically challenged and needs my help and encouragement,rather than having me mope and feel let down by the doc's non commital replies!I keep asking myself this..okay I know I am her mother and I have an older normal child already,so i know the difference in caring for both kids.Ananya's childhood was bliss whereas Diti's is a challenge.It' s been 3 years now,3 years where I've seen,experienced,learnt and grown so much that I cannot remember now a life without Diti.In 3 years she has bloomed and blossomed with love and care.I never expected her to turn out to be sucha happy vibrant child,full of joy and mischief. I feel incredibly blessed.
But this question gnaws at me all the time,intermittently..
Why cant I just let things be,take it as it comes and use this time to strengthen myself mentally and emotionally rather than keep waiting with bated breath for a miracle to happen..
or is it that I beleive in miracles .......?

All alone

Am all alone

Within myself
In a crowd
In the inner reaches
of my soul.
In moments
of conflict.
In moments of peace
A serene stillness of
deathly quiet exists.
That I cannot touch
but feel and be touched by it.
It feels like bliss

My constant refrain :)

Ever known how elusive love can be?How difficult to describe,define and put in words..sometimes intense,sometimes sheer indifference,sometimes shutting oneself out totally and other times just bliss…such a high when it starts off,the anticipation,the waiting,the crazy smiles one wears all the time,thoughts out of control..
Somewhere along the way,it gathers more energies through conversations-silent or otherwise,thoughts,gestures,messages,words..words..words..words… …
Constant reassurances I need..to affirm that this love exists..just when I feel I am over that phase,it rears its head yet again making me wonder why why why does this need never ever go away?
Why do we have this fear of being hurt if we are open about our feelings?Why dont we ask for what we want,express what we feel easily and comfortably.Why mull over the consequences even before acting?
Why do I want an explanation for everything i feel?Is it that i am introspective and love exploring my thoughts ......
Along the way I have learnt that when i let things be and just flow,flow with what Life has to offer,the Universe does provide and things do fall into place.That is like surrendering to a higher force and ceasing to analyse and think.

My Child-Woman

My child woman
You are growing up too fast
too soon, too quick
slipping beyond my grasp

I try my best to understand you..
Your rebellious stance,
I try to unravel your hidden secrets
And you look askance.

Your quicksilver moods
Sulky expressions
Seems to defy all
conceivable explanations.

How can my own child behave so?
Are these growing pangs
Or is there more?

I grit my teeth
Clench my fists
Rein in my exasperation
And give you a hug and a kiss.

Suddenly you transform,
Turn around and give me a hug
You devil, you angel,
My precious child-woman.

I say

I need a cue
Because I haven’t a clue
Whether you feel
The same as I do.

The words I’ve spoken
Are straight from the heart
Still figuring out
What is keeping us apart?

Do we need more time?
Do we need more space?
I don’t have the answers
I don’t know what to say.

So, I need a cue...
Do you feel
the way I do?
I need to hear from you..

To my children

I am your mother,
not your foe
I am a guide,
to help you grow.

I grow with you
as you do each day
learning life's lessons
along the way.

Women of strength
I want you to be
A part of you,
a part of me..

Stray thoughts

Today, we compete for everything: the space around us, to be first to own a newproduct, to get our kids signed up for programs, to get our viewpoints across,to be faster, smarter, richer, sexier. Our days are filled with stressfulcompetitions. And most are absolutely unnecessary. Because they're driven byinsecurity, fear of being left behind, an ingrained need to always have more orbetter than the next guy. It is so important to get above all this....how important is it to be compete??I feel if you really want to do so,then vie to be someone who stays calm and in control, who isn't easily sucked in by material things, who avoids being caught up in the daily grab-bag that robs one of peace of mind. Or else one gets so caught up in this endless quest for more and more that you actually make yourself crazy..!!