I am waiting to see how I am going to handle D's surgical procedure this time..her 5th in the last 4 years.I know what it entails but each time I feel different.This time round I feel more relaxed and flowing although the underlying stress remains.Blame it on the maternal quirks.This time round D is also fearless about it.She told me she fears the anaesthesia more than the actual procedure and its discomfort.
D isn't here with me now.She decided to travel with her Nana-Nani in advance to Bombay and this is the 1st time she is away from me for 3 days.I get calls from her interspersed with a 'I love you Momma' but I sense she is enjoying her space away from me as much as I am.
Our home feels different without her.It suddenly seems quieter,tidier but too calm and serene for my liking.I am used to her laughter and squeals,the sound of her sandals as she comes stomping down the stairs loudly.I am used to my daily good night kisses and hugs from her.
I am also not used to having so much time on my hands.I had plenty of time to even indulge in some retail therapy and spending time on the computer today. Has motherhood absorbed me totally,in such an overwhelming way ?
But yes I got to spend great time with my precious older one A.I felt a sense of well being and contentment yesterday because A and I spent time just talking-about school,friends,books and a lot of stuff we hadn't spoken about in ages.I didn't cook,we ate from out and chatted and I actually played games on mini clip with her.She had to help me out many a time :).She finally told me, "Ma you are more relaxed without D around"! Definitely some truth there.She is wise for her age,my older one.It is like she is a double persona-the child in her and the growing woman in her , a beautiful blend.
I have redone the guest room to accommodate D with her cast and the therapies that will follow soon after.She will have a lot of school work to catch up on while recovering but that is something she and I are both looking forward to...playing games,watching TV,listening to music and reading books and going for walks-she in her wheelchair (will be a new experience for her and for me too ).