Friday, December 12, 2008


Almost every time I am greeted with her dour expression and it always takes me by surprise, sadness and a strange helplessness. Almost every day it spoils my mood too. The voice inside me screams out to yell and react but I manage to curb myself. Let me tell you this, counting up to 10 or wringing a wet towel doesn’t help in alleviating the anger. It shifts focus, true but the emotions linger on.

On ‘bad’ days (read that as PMS time, imbalanced moments), I am at my meanest best, sarcasm laden voice et al.On those rare ‘good’ days I actually ignore it all and carry on with whatever I am doing. And I manage to put that dour look away into one of the many compartments of my mind hoping it will resolve on its own.

And it actually does.

I see the dour expression shift into a total sour mood. This is followed by a silent phase and what seems to me like total withdrawal. You know the ‘leave me alone’ phase or ‘I have lots to do’.Through this transition of moods I hear snatches of conversations with friends and laughter. I wonder if the mood has dissipated or if it’s just reserved for me.
Motherhood and its privileges!

It’s the end of the day; ‘things’ (read moods) seem to have settled down a bit.
There is a smile perhaps which makes me venture forth with some inane question (the timing and choice of the question has to be right)...and soon I am greeted with some tidbits of sharing.

Bed time or nighttime, I feel is the best time to bond with ones children. Older children don’t need stories, they need ears to listen. I have learnt not to lecture or sermon. I have learnt not to immediately spark up and say, “in our times things were different” (they were different, everyone knows).I have learnt to listen yet not ask too much because it is then that all the outpourings happen...spontaneous,heartfelt,tears,litany of complaints..all of it.

I have heard the maximum amount of sharing and pouring out of angst from my teen at night just when I am about to log onto to check my mail or settle down with a book. The questions are many and to me so simple but when one is a teen I think everything to do with friends seems complex and irresolvable.

This is a wonderful yet challenging phase for me as a parent, raising a teen who needs me around more and a 7 year old who has special needs of her own.Well, by the time the 7 year old is a teen I would be an expert in moods...

I wish for more 'happy mood’ days


Known Stranger said...

I wish for more happy mood days . Nice post simple that dwelling around the day to day emotions of a mother of two.

shankari said...

I have a teen on hand too -
still wondering how she transformed to this, but there are always the good moments, the really good ones :)

mermaid said...

I am grateful for your honesty, Jyo. You let is all come pouring out of you, pleasant or unpleasant, and reflect on it without mopping it up too quickly.
Yes, I am biased, but I'd rather live this way exposing everything than hiding what is to0 unpleasant to bear.

Pragya said...

Offers me a window into the very near future. Loved reading this post since it falls in line with so many things I've been thinking about today...along the lines of what is the essence of being human...the several compartments of the brain you talk about...just like a grand old house full of so many secrets and back burner items.