I never knew setting a goal for myself would be such a challenging process. I don’t mean just any goal but a goal which fitted into the parameters of Specific-Measurable-Ambitious-Realistic-Timebound-Ethical-Relevant.In short I had to set a SMARTER goal for myself. I could not say creating a better life for myself was my goal because it wasn’t specific enough. Soon I understood that most of what I wished for myself wasn’t a goal in the true sense of the word. And soon enough I also realized that among my group of 50, I was the only one floundering with setting a goal.
I tried it this way. Started from scratch. I wrote down my interests and my passions (!), what excited me, what drove me but by the end of it I was more confused. I asked A, asked friends and still nothing was clear. Everything I did and felt passionate about was to do with my children especially D.I could not imagine a goal that did not involve her. I ultimately realized that I had to work towards a goal that did not necessarily exclude her. I had to take care of her needs along with my own needs as an individual. Being a parent was just one part of me. (As if I didn’t know it). Maybe over the last 8 years, I had relegated all other parts to the background...
Why set a goal for myself at 42? Was it a mid life crisis or just a need to discover my lost identity? Or plain boredom? I don’t know. But I do know that the last 3 months of 2008 for me was a period of soul searching. I had plenty of questions for myself as to where I was heading as an individual. Some part of me also understood that I had to feed my inner self so that I could take care of others around me effortlessly. And the timing seemed right. I had the time, I had the energy and I had the willingness to learn and create an identity for myself.
Along the way of questioning, I interacted with few friends who were already doing something they loved. I asked them how they had discovered their passion. No one really went about discovering their passions, I understood then. It just happened along the way.
So I decided to let things be, gave up the mental struggle allowing things to simply happen and unfold.
And they have. And once I decided on a goal for myself, from that very moment, new doors are opening to lead me towards it. I find it an amazing journey so far.