Living life with a disability

It took me a while to get the title right because it’s a disability I am truly learning to live my life with each day. There are days when I forget my deafness, there are days when others don’t notice my deafness and there are those days when I long to regain my 100% hearing again.

 To listen to music crystal clear, to follow conversations in groups, to enjoy the nuances of the language like I once used to.There are those odd moments of loss. 

How much a disability affects  one’s life depends entirely on how much one allows it to. I don’t think it’s just about accepting it. It’s more about focussing on what one can do with this challenge. And there are always going to be moments of sheer frustration and helplessness. I don’t hear the alarm clock ring and oversleep, I miss the doorbells many a time and rely on my cat to look towards the door and then to me as an indicator. I am poor in balance. I miss birdsong and even thunder.There is the tinnitus and the eye fatigue due to constant lip reading. I could go on an on.

I use hearing aids which do not function the way spectacles do (I need to write this here because everyone I know has this misconception). I need to take care of them every day, clean them and dehumidify them and keep them protected, change their batteries and make frequent visits to my audiologist for fine tuning. I have no problem telling people I am profoundly deaf but I have a problem with people assuming they need to shout and speak because I am deaf. Loudness impairs the clarity even further,it amplifies sound adding to the cacophony. All I need is clarity.

On the optimistic side, I don’t hear a thing once I have taken my hearing aids off. I sleep through fireworks and arguments. I'm also blessed to live in the digital age so I use a digital hearing aid that connects to my phone and through Bluetooth, music streams in for clear hearing. Same applies for telephone calls.

 As I blog this,my hearing loss is at a 105 decibel loss already. Learning to live a fulfilled life with whatever hearing I have is my thought for the moment :-)

Just words

Like a million broken pieces put together,

some shards, some whole.

Some with a hint of a crack.

Where I am today is just that,scattered bits mended,

some fragile,

some resolute.

Fused in.

It's not about the life you are handed out,

it's what you do with it once it's yours.

Chaotic,frenzied yet calm,serene,

the balance comes when I don't look for it.

stop the struggling,

the resisting,

the pushing

the controlling,

and what is mine comes to me magically.

Like a door that's ajar waiting for me to enter

Gentle steps in

The world awaits me!

Spring cleaning

Spring cleaning

Wilted ‘rajnigandhas’

In murky brown.

Empty wine bottles

 Scattered around.

Overflowing closets

In every room.

Shoes in bags

Waiting to be worn.

Sheaf’s of notes

In different files.

Zen tangles waiting

In their gaps and lines.

Incomplete blog posts

Saved in drafts.

Mailboxes to be cleaned

Where do I start?

Clear this mess

Or wait another day?

Maybe, just maybe

Ill simply spring-clean

My stress away.

 *Decluttering is always on my mind. Each time I do it,it feels like a 'letting go'!