Wednesday, April 07, 2010

'Having to'

I have been thinking of this phrase 'have to' and I keep seeing it in a new light. When I think to myself, I have to lose 3 kilos to get back to my earlier shape; does it really really work for me?

If I think Diti has to learn to write neatly and legibly, does it work that way? Or that she has to learn Hindi/Marathi languages in the way that is set? Or that Ananya has to study everyday no matter what?

“Having to’ sounds punishing to my ears. I know that there are certain things that just have to be done like getting out of bed, seeing the kids off to school. preparing the various tiffins,cooking lunch. sorting out clothes, my writing. But when I tell myself I ‘have to’ do them, it creates a stress in me that doesn’t go away until the job is done. And the job I end up doing may be done half heartedly.

Is it that all of these jobs need to be done or am I allowing myself to make a choice. A choice on how I see these tasks and chores. Maybe I don’t need to do all of them together in one mad frenzy. Maybe I can look at them differently. Maybe I don’t need to do them at all within the time I set for myself. Maybe I change the order of the tasks!
Maybe Diti need not learn to write legibly because she has an option of using a computer as well. Maybe she doesn’t need to learn anything in a certain way or a specified time. I don’t wish for her to look at learning anything where it becomes a punishment or a subtle order. I don’t want resentment to creep in somewhere along the way in my children or me, a resentment that removes the joy of the task and makes me complain and grumble a lot.

Doesn’t life find its own rhythm eventually when we look at it differently? When we look at it as making choices and having options rather than simply ‘having to’?


Anonymous said...

Dear Jyo,
Ty for inviting me to your blog, parts of which I have just read.
Its all so touching. And I feel I am meeting the real you for the first time.
I was aware of the struggles Diti and you have been through together as you have shared with us before.
But your entries here go so much more deeper into your thoughts and emotions
And also the feelings and attitudes of Diti through it all.
At times I felt my eyes stinging.
You have such a soft heart but such a brave one too.
Both you and Diti are special people.
Love to all at home.

3rdeye said...

There is another stressing word when the thought of " wann be" ( want to be) araise.

Pramod said...

Dear Jo,

You write so good, so intense..amazing how do you get so much thinking and power and time..its really great sharing such ..

Keep writing and sharing it motivates us.
Take good care
Love to Diti, I heard about it from Sri and others in CT