Faint wisps,so gentle
stored away in
the deep recesses
of my mind.
Waiting to be
unleashed,refreshed
with warmth and
nostalgia.
It feels like a picture story
as one scene
follows
the other.
Of words and images
of a vast glorious landscape
captured in its finest
moments..
By my mind....
My mind,
so intricate,
subtle,
and versatile.
Yet so treacherous.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
Going Home
I feel
disoriented
dissociated
disoconnected
from all that is going on
around me…
The myraid roles
that I play
of daughter
sister
wife
and mother
And amidst the chaos
I search for those
few moments
where I can be me….
Returning to my parents home after 2 years was a revelation.I thought I had grown(not just physically :))but also spiritually) wiser over the years and that I would be able to handle volatile emotions and arguments easily and smoothly! However hard I tried,I could not hold on to my sense of reasoning and calm.Small issues irked me,words hurt me and anything that was not acceptable irritated me.I blamed it on the intense heat and humidity which was energy depleting to say the least but after a few days I realized it was'nt just that..
It was me.Certainly the weather could not dictate my moods.I was feeling uprooted as if I was back into a situation that I thought that I had left behind with the passing years.I was behaving as if I had to vent and I wanted to scream "Give me my own space".It was not as if my family was demanding my time,I just felt it so.My misguided perception that dictated my moods.
I got a chance to go on a holiday with them,my very first with them after 13 years of marriage.My parents,sister,my daughters and me!True family bonding occured in the valley of Coorg that we visited.Memories exchanged between my sister and me while my daughter learnt more about her "nana's" childhood without electricity and amenities. We fought and squabbled,laughed and cried together like the family I knew all these years and had grown up with.
We all change.We all play different roles through our lives.I learnt this time albeit painfully to flow into the role-changes with acceptance,patience and self-restraint.
And yes I look forward to another bonding holiday soon.
disoriented
dissociated
disoconnected
from all that is going on
around me…
The myraid roles
that I play
of daughter
sister
wife
and mother
And amidst the chaos
I search for those
few moments
where I can be me….
Returning to my parents home after 2 years was a revelation.I thought I had grown(not just physically :))but also spiritually) wiser over the years and that I would be able to handle volatile emotions and arguments easily and smoothly! However hard I tried,I could not hold on to my sense of reasoning and calm.Small issues irked me,words hurt me and anything that was not acceptable irritated me.I blamed it on the intense heat and humidity which was energy depleting to say the least but after a few days I realized it was'nt just that..
It was me.Certainly the weather could not dictate my moods.I was feeling uprooted as if I was back into a situation that I thought that I had left behind with the passing years.I was behaving as if I had to vent and I wanted to scream "Give me my own space".It was not as if my family was demanding my time,I just felt it so.My misguided perception that dictated my moods.
I got a chance to go on a holiday with them,my very first with them after 13 years of marriage.My parents,sister,my daughters and me!True family bonding occured in the valley of Coorg that we visited.Memories exchanged between my sister and me while my daughter learnt more about her "nana's" childhood without electricity and amenities. We fought and squabbled,laughed and cried together like the family I knew all these years and had grown up with.
We all change.We all play different roles through our lives.I learnt this time albeit painfully to flow into the role-changes with acceptance,patience and self-restraint.
And yes I look forward to another bonding holiday soon.
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