Moods

Almost every time I am greeted with her dour expression and it always takes me by surprise, sadness and a strange helplessness. Almost every day it spoils my mood too. The voice inside me screams out to yell and react but I manage to curb myself. Let me tell you this, counting up to 10 or wringing a wet towel doesn’t help in alleviating the anger. It shifts focus, true but the emotions linger on.

On ‘bad’ days (read that as PMS time, imbalanced moments), I am at my meanest best, sarcasm laden voice et al.On those rare ‘good’ days I actually ignore it all and carry on with whatever I am doing. And I manage to put that dour look away into one of the many compartments of my mind hoping it will resolve on its own.

And it actually does.

I see the dour expression shift into a total sour mood. This is followed by a silent phase and what seems to me like total withdrawal. You know the ‘leave me alone’ phase or ‘I have lots to do’.Through this transition of moods I hear snatches of conversations with friends and laughter. I wonder if the mood has dissipated or if it’s just reserved for me.
Motherhood and its privileges!

It’s the end of the day; ‘things’ (read moods) seem to have settled down a bit.
There is a smile perhaps which makes me venture forth with some inane question (the timing and choice of the question has to be right)...and soon I am greeted with some tidbits of sharing.

Bed time or nighttime, I feel is the best time to bond with ones children. Older children don’t need stories, they need ears to listen. I have learnt not to lecture or sermon. I have learnt not to immediately spark up and say, “in our times things were different” (they were different, everyone knows).I have learnt to listen yet not ask too much because it is then that all the outpourings happen...spontaneous,heartfelt,tears,litany of complaints..all of it.

I have heard the maximum amount of sharing and pouring out of angst from my teen at night just when I am about to log onto to check my mail or settle down with a book. The questions are many and to me so simple but when one is a teen I think everything to do with friends seems complex and irresolvable.

This is a wonderful yet challenging phase for me as a parent, raising a teen who needs me around more and a 7 year old who has special needs of her own.Well, by the time the 7 year old is a teen I would be an expert in moods...

I wish for more 'happy mood’ days
:-)

My Treasures-my children :)

I wish to see the world through your eyes as you,

hastily wipe your chocolate filled mouth on the curtains.

tie my colorful chiffon dupatta into a make believe sari.

stealthily apply lipstick all over your chubby face and rosebud lips.

uninhibitedly dance to remixed music and insist I dance too.

squeal with unbidden glee over a surprise packet of “Lays” chips and "Cadbury’s Dairy Milk".

listen to me while I teach you alphabets and ask me after it’s done," Where is my star"?

with such patience and focus peel off every onion of its skin and leave my kitchen floor in a sheet of slippery pink.

you insist on making our grouchy neighbor smile each morning and insist I wish him Good Morning too.

carry your little handbag to the park, bunched up with coins to pay for your daily dose of “sev-puri”.

so sweetly ask each Friday if I have a holiday on Saturday just like Dad and “Didi” do. (You are the only one who has ever asked me if mom’s get a holiday).

fight with me and make that cute scowl of yours and then show your fingers asking for peace (how quickly you change your mind).

salute a tired policeman while we wait in an endless traffic jam.

You give me many reasons to smile and I ask myself do I need to teach you or do I need to learn?

My Child-Woman

My child woman
You are growing up too fast
too soon, too quick
slipping beyond my grasp

I try my best to understand you..
Your rebellious stance,
I try to unravel your hidden secrets
And you look askance.

Your quicksilver moods
Sulky expressions
Seems to defy all
conceivable explanations.

How can my own child behave so?
Are these growing pangs
Or is there more?

I grit my teeth
Clench my fists
Rein in my exasperation
And give you a hug and a kiss.

Suddenly you transform,
Turn around and give me a hug
You devil, you angel,
My precious child-woman.